Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago · 5 min. reading time · ~10 ·

Blogging
>
Proma blog
>
When You Are Judged...

When You Are Judged...

1c469986.jpg


In a world riding high on consumerism and where brand- consciousness blinds people against value, you often can find people judging others on the basis of their looks, or rather on their clothes and accessories. I don't have anything against well-dressed and well-groomed people. My point is directed more to people like me who are happy in their casuals and stick to a dress code only when asked to. 

I am, by habit, a simple person. I have always preferred this way of life. Nothing ever could push me to dress up a lot or behave like I have descended from heaven, itself, a few minutes back. This simplicity has caused me some serious awkward situations, more than once, which I would like to share with you through these 2 anecdotes. 

Story#1

Location - A 5-star hotel in Polanco, Mexico City

When we first moved to Mexico City, due to my husband's onsite project, we had to live in a hotel for the first 2 months. This was as per his company policy and there was no way we could have that clause removed. 

Living in a hotel for even a week is tough, just imagine making it your home for 2 months. It didn't even matter that it was a 5-star hotel located right at the heart of Mexico City's commercial center. We lived in one room with no kitchen (which can be harrowing for a compulsive cook like me); with no open windows, it only had a glass wall with the stunning view of the Auditorio Nacional. 

I like to meet and greet people, because of which in very little time, the support staff came to know me and husband well, and would go to great lengths to ensure that our stay was nice and comfortable. 

The breakfast buffet, every morning, had the same tedious layout and menu. I could serve myself breakfast from that buffet with my eyes closed. But what made it special were the morning greetings from the chef and the waiters. We were in a new country and we knew no one. I could not even speak Spanish then. These people made us feel at home, they made us feel comfortable. 

Now, given the star status of the hotel, we hardly found other people strolling around in casuals like we did. We felt out of place, of course we did, with the men wearing freshly-ironed suits and ties and women wearing beautiful dresses with stunning accessories, but we couldn't be bothered much. 

I started going to the university, UNAM, which is located in the southern part of Mexico City, all the way from north, where Polanco was located. I took the metro. Back then it was just MXN$3 for a ride to any part of the city, you wanted. I took one ticket and changed three trains to reach the university. I guess some of you might know how challenging a subway ride can be, and since I was going to college I wore casuals each and every day, just to make my 3-hour journey and college hours comfortable. 

So, one day when I was back from college and about to enter the hotel, which had now been my home for a month (approx.) I was stopped by the guard. Jose, the friendly doorman was not there to greet me that afternoon. 

The security guard just wouldn't let me enter, even though I kept telling him, "I live here." At that moment, I forgot all my Spanish lessons and all I could manage was a weak, "Yo vivo aqui." to help the situation. For some odd reason, he got so agitated with me (maybe it was the language barrier) that he even stopped me from going to the concierge who knew me well. It was plain frustrating. What was it? Was it my tired looks sans nice make up that made me look plain to him, someone who did not belong there, or was it that I was wearing casuals and carrying a back pack, a student marching confidently into a 5-star hotel, that can't be good, can it? 

I requested him to call the concierge or bring someone who either knew me or could speak English. Finally, a familiar face emerged, it was the concierge. "Hector!" I called him by his name and he turned. I had never felt so relieved since I had passed the interview for my Spanish course at the university. Hector came to the giant doors and said something to him in Spanish, I don't remember what it was since I did not understand the language well enough, back then. But, I saw the guard's face turning a deep shade of red and quite frankly I was elated to see that shade. He was terribly ashamed and apologized quickly and left. I felt bad, I guess more for his embarrassment rather than the awkward situation I faced, but all that emotion was short-lived. 

Story#2

Location: National Capital Region, India

This incident occurred in my country, right next to my home. It was in a flea market. There I was strolling about, dressed pretty much like a college-goer, earphones in my ear, and reading a book on Yoga. All of a sudden, I came across a stall which was selling Reiki and healing-related bric-a-bracs. I had been wanting to buy a bracelet made of yellow stones for my meditation sessions. I did not mind paying a premium for them. 

The problem was not the unavailability of the bracelet but the nature of the lady at the stall. A self-proclaimed healer, she refused to pay attention to me. She seemed more interested in the other two customers who were richly-dressed and kept pointing to all the things they already had. 

I rolled my eyes. "If you already have them, why are you wasting her time and mine, just buy something and move on, " I thought in my head. 

Right then the two of them noticed the Himalayan Rock Salt lamps placed along the other table of displayed items. They were intrigued, and so was I. I wanted to know what that curious looking lamp could do. But the lady at the stall refused to acknowledge my queries. She was more fixated on those two ladies who seemed to be making a mental registry of all the products and their prices without any intention of buying them. Finally, and thankfully, they left. I breathed a sigh of relief. 

I asked the lady at the stall, what the lamps did and how much did they cost. She looked at me, just once, and said, "These lamps (pointing at some) are a bit expensive, you might not be able to afford them." Truthfully, the amount she mentioned was not a big amount for a lamp, at all. However, the way she pointed it out to me was utterly distasteful. How could she make such a brusque judgement about what I can afford and what I can't? Only this time, I said it out aloud. I was older than the time the hotel scene took place. I was more confident. I had the language down pat. I could give this lady a big chunk of my mind and so I did.

"What makes you think I can't afford the lamp?" She stares with wide eyes at me, "Is it the way I am dressed?" "Why would you turn away a customer who is not dressed up but ready to buy your products right away as opposed to those who clearly are wasting your time? What is it? Please help me understand."

This was the first time I felt hurt. But the moment I had given it back to her in simple, non-rude terms, in the form of a few simple questions, I started feeling a bit better. By the time I was walking back home (1.5 km) with a 3.5 kg Himalayan Rock Salt Lamp in my arms, I felt so happy, so relieved. 

These 2 incidents will live with me forever, not because I was saddened by it, but because it made me sure of myself. It made me realize that mere judgments from random people could not make me feel bad about myself. You see, when people take you for someone who you are not, you know who has the last laugh, right?

P.S: Thank you so much for the time you spent reading this post. I know every minute means a lot to you and I really appreciate you spending some to read my story. 


"
Comments

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #10

#13
Thank you so much Puneet Srivastava. Yes, I did find a nice bracelet made of Yellow citrine stones. It was for energizing the Solar Plexus. I saw you are meditation coach, so mentioning it. :-)

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #9

#10
Yes, indeed. You have a stellar memory Lance \ud83d\udc1d Scoular! Salespersons, especially, shouldn't take such a fine with their customers. They might lose any further business that could have come to them. 😄 Thank you for the share!

Lance 🐝 Scoular

6 years ago #8

👥ed🐝🐤🐳🔥🚲

Lance 🐝 Scoular

6 years ago #7

🥚cellent article Proma Nautiyal Both stories broght to mind a few scenes of Julia Roberts in the film "Pretty Woman." The most memorable one for me was when Vivian (Julia Roberts) returns to a up market fashion shop, where yesterday she was wearing her casuals but today is now dressed to the nines... 🎬 ...Shop assistant: Hello, can I help you? Vivian: I was in here yesterday, you wouldn't wait on me. Shop assistant: Oh. Vivian: You people work on commission, right? Shop assistant: Yeah. Vivian: Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now. 👗👜👡👒🛍 🎬

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #6

#8
Numo Quest such an empowering thought. I read your comment at least 4 times before commenting. You have massively changed the perception I had about people and their judgements. It will take me some time to implement it, for sure, but I now have grasp of the fundamental. Thank you! :-)

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #5

#6
That is a very powerful principle ,indeed. I wanted to ask if you are talking about the same mirror principle in which others mirror the behavior or react to the kind of attitude one is exhibiting?

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #4

#1
Thank you so much @Numo Quest. You are right, first of all we shouldn't judge and even if we end up doing so we shouldn't let it be so explicit.

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #3

#2
@Lisa Gallagher I can't thank you enough for your kind words and encouragement, Lisa, it means a lot to me. It took me a lot of self-contemplation to go ahead and write about it, but then I really wanted to. You are so right about donning casuals outside of work hours irrespective of where you are living. And the kitchen, of course, room service can never help unwind like a cooking/baking session does. I agree with your point about the lady at the stall being made to feel inferior at some point in her life. It could very well be a reason for her to reflect that same treatment on someone else. A person confident in their own skin would never have let themselves treat others so poorly even though they might have been treated badly, themselves, at some point of time. Karmic logic ensures I never overstep my boundaries and I just hope others understand the same too. My husband and I had both decided to spend every waking moment out, exploring the city. I guess that is what helped us survive the hotel stay. :D

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #2

Everyone should read this very interesting, true story by Proma Nautiyal, such a good message contained within.

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #1

What a wonderful topic for a buzz Proma Nautiyal. Let me first say, I can relate so much when it comes to staying in a 5 star hotel. I'm not comfortable either because too many do walk around all dressed up and when I'm away, I like to dress down. I don't want to have to dress up for breakfast, dinner or to even walk through the halls and lobby. For those reasons, I stay away from 5 star hotels. I'm glad you found your voice and you were able to speak up for yourself when it came to the crystal lamp! It baffles me when people have no problem treating others as if they are less important than another based on how they dress etc... it baffles me more when they don't have a hard time making comments that reflect how they feel inside. I think some people like that have possibly been made to feel inferior at some point in their lives and treat others as they were treated. Maybe by speaking up to the woman who was selling the stones and more made her think about her actions? Thank you for sharing this because we all deserve to be treated with dignity. This is a good reminder. For the record, I would have gone stark raving mad having to stay in a hotel room for 2 months. I could have handled a 1 bedroom room with a kitchen but not just a room. I think my husband and I would have really gotten on each others nerves lol. (that's an understatement).

Articles from Proma Nautiyal

View blog
6 years ago · 2 min. reading time

Twitter, recently, · recognized Tweetstorm as an official feature of the app. Given, the recent upda ...

5 years ago · 2 min. reading time

"What do I write about, next?" · "Will people resonate with the topic I am writing about?" · "Is thi ...

4 years ago · 3 min. reading time

Few things are as abstract as feelings and emotions. Not only are these two things difficult to meas ...

Related professionals

You may be interested in these jobs

  • Birlasoft

    Senior Architect

    Found in: Talent IN 2A C2 - 6 days ago


    Birlasoft Pune, India

    Sr Data Migration Architect (Windchill): · Experience Level: 15+Yrs · Hands-on experience as Data Migration Architect with PLM Enterprise Systems, mainly Windchill and Thingworx. · Has strong experience as a Solution Architect as well for Windchill and Thingworx applications. · S ...

  • Touchstone Educationals LLP

    Ielts trainer

    Found in: Talent IN C2 - 8 hours ago


    Touchstone Educationals LLP Chandigarh, India Full time

    Job Overview · We are looking for a skilled and experienced Ielts Trainer to join our team . As an Ielts Trainer, you will be responsible for providing excellent coaching and guidance to students preparing for the Ielts exam. This is a full-time position based in Chandigarh, Chan ...

  • iimjobs

    Lotus Interworks

    Found in: beBee S2 IN - 5 days ago


    iimjobs Any Location, India Full time

    Job Title : HR Manager · Time : 7PM IST TO 4 AM IST (US Shift) · REMOTE · Job Description: · Overview: Join our dynamic global tech startup as an HR Manager, where you'll be instrumental in driving HR strategies tailored to our remote workforce. · Responsibilities: · - Support Di ...