Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Nothing Matters

Nothing Matters

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The more I look for reasons to live,

The more I see reasons why not to.

There is pain in life itself,

As we are pulling the weight of our body,

The weight of our relations, 

The weight of our belongings, 

The weight of the society,

It is pulling down and anchoring my soul.

The white light within me flickers

As it desperately tries to breathe

But it fails, time and again.

It wants to be free, 

It wants to fly high in sky,

It wants to swim deep in the ocean,

It wants to dance in the rain,

It wants to be lost in a crevice in the mountains.

I don’t see love, 

I don’t see life.

I crave not being,

I long for nothingness. 

There are memories of people who are long gone,

But sometimes they are just there next to you.

Their presence so strong, you feel another breath,

And they will materialize into their living selves. 

I know I am losing my touch of reality,

When I see the cushion turning into a wave.

I see a swift movement from the corner of my eye,

Where there is nothing else.

No I am not inebriated,

The bitter pills forbid the happiness 

Of drowning my sorrows.

This pit is not dark as people say,

Hell it is no pit I must say.

It seems like a gateway of happiness, 

Away from the truth I was taught to accept.

I see I am falling,

I see myself fading,

Aha! What a beautiful feeling it is,

To lose yourself and never be born again.

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Comments

Lyon Brave

3 years ago #14

I think a lot of people feel this way. Thanks for sharing.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #13

#8
True, Ignacio Orna (Nacho) they indeed hold the light to put out all darkness.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #12

#6
Thanks, Kevin Baker. The flickers of hope lit a bonfire of tremendous amounts of it that will hopefully suffice for the new year and the years to come! :)

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #11

#7
Thank you for your words, Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic. They came at a time when I needed to hear them the most. Writing is the only way I can voice my thoughts most effectively, and I can't thank God enough for giving me the ability to do so. "Music therapy" helps too! :)

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #10

#5
Thank you, Jerry Fletcher. I read your comment time and again and it's time I thanked you for the strength they brought me. :)

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #9

#4
Thank you, Ian Weinberg. It's true indeed, after writing these words of reflection, some quiet time pondering on the same brought me some much needed answers.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #8

#3
Thank you Pascal Derrien. Wish you a Happy New Year! :)

(Nacho) Ignacio Orna

3 years ago #7

Sometimes light is found in your loved ones.

Lada 🏡 Prkic

3 years ago #6

Dear Proma, whatever feelings you experience the good thing is that you gave them a voice through poetry and writing. I am not much a poetry person but more for a "talking therapy." :) We all have dark moods and feel sad or down sometimes. It's not an easy task to find strength and courage to deal with obstacles life put in our way. That's why I learned to enjoy a moment of happiness, whenever it came along. Wishing you the same and keep voicing your feelings.

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #5

Proma, You matter. Your ability to give voice to this dark side is reason enough. Few have the courage to give us a window into the deep. You can. And that is a foundation from which to peer over the precipice. Keep sharing your journey.

Ian Weinberg

3 years ago #4

Profound. Less is more. There is peace beyond the perplexed. From this point on, words have no more meaning.

Pascal Derrien

3 years ago #3

Breathtakingly written

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #2

Thank you, Lada! The words came from the bottom of my heart, my reality. A feeling I don't know whether to embrace or shun.   

Lada 🏡 Prkic

3 years ago #1

Proma, it is so beautiful and intense. I've read your poem many times and wanted to comment, but I can't find the right words. I only hope that those words don't reflect your real emotional state, but they are the result of transient mood.

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