Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Do You Really Want That Thing?

Do You Really Want That Thing?


As the months go by, new products, services, and ecommerce stores open up the doors to even prettier, funnier, funkier new "stuff." Some of this "stuff" is really good and innovative and can totally add to our lifestyle and well-being, while others are just those "feel-good one time nothings." That is, you buy them, you stare at, toss and turn them for a while and then you forget all-out them. They go on to add the stash under your bed, inside your closet, or stashed inside a shoebox which upon finding years later, you will wonder, why did I even have that?

The age of consumerism is on us. We are not getting tired of consuming. Be it it entertainment, food, plastic, false ideas of happiness, it is never ending. And, the more outward we start looking, the less inward we are looking, the further we go away from our own selves. 

I had a revelation today, which made me write this post. Although I am huge believer of opportunity cost and weigh my purchase decisions a hundred times, nonetheless, I do end up buying a lot of "stuff." I have been on the mend though. Redeeming myself of the crazy buying patterns, thanks to online shopping, as I hate malls and shopping in general (I am paradoxical, indeed). 

However, there are somethings I just can't/couldn't help, but buy: 

  • Shoes
  • Bags/purses
  • Stationery
  • Books
  • Crystals
  • Baking goods
  • Courses
  • FOOD

This was actually my first step at correcting my behavior. Finding out what is draining my monetary resources and if I indeed needed it all. I am writing this buzz in order to reach out to my fellow shoppers and also to people who like hoarding. This new year, let's make an oath of using our resources wisely, and share them with people who need it more. 

The revelation


The revelation I had today was an eye-opening one and the only one I needed to successfully overcome my spending habits. Because, it helped me stop from indulging from the only one item that was left in the list above. The rest of them I have already dealt with, with a lot of self-restraint and self-talk. And the last and most important item on my list was FOOD.  This morning as I was compulsively scrolling through my social media accounts, they instinctively started showing me pictures of all things I have ever shown interest in. Of course, I know how AdSense works and how to make it work for my clients, but for sometime I have training myself to fight it instead. So, today, they showed me a great collection of "holiday flavored" Instant Coffee, you know, hazelnut, berries, caramel, and orange and the entire shebang. I added some of them into the cart, mentally preparing myself on sipping some extremely premium, hot hazelnut coffee soon and hoping it arrives at my doorstep sooner, I heard my inner voice say:

"Wait! What are you doing? It's just hazelnut-flavored coffee. You drink coffee everyday to get your wits about and that's about it. Are you seriously going to spend THIS MUCH on gourmet coffee? You find new ways to shock me every day!!"


My inner voice was right. I spent almost every day buying or scrolling around for new shiny stuff that made me feel good. Something was not right. I had realized this a long time back and had been cutting my shopping streaks on each of them one by one, by asking myself a simple question: "Do I REALLY NEED this?" More often than not, the answer would be "No" and that helped me get out of this rut. It has been ages since I bought my last designer handbag. I splurged on my 2019 Planner but I know that's it, in the stationery department, I only buy new books when I am down to three on my Kindle. I stopped buying paperback books, as much as it hurt me, to save space and save them from my toddler. I still buy baking goodies and crystals but a limited amount of each, as per actual need. And for courses, too, I buy and sign up for more only when I have completed the earlier ones and have applied them in my life/profession, as well. Food was the last stop. I always thought that gluttony would be my undoing, so I am trying to work on that by additional self-restraint on eating whatever comes my way.

I am feeling a new wave of happiness and powerful from the fact that I can control my decisions. There is no way we can control what is happening in our lives if we can't control our own mind and body. The key is to look inward. To have a little chat with yourself, every now and then. If you are feeling empty, treat it with some quiet self-reflection and quality time with people who care and those who matter. Like Ignacio Orna (Nacho) commented on one of my posts, 

"Sometimes light is found in your loved ones." 
Ignacio Orna

We don't need to look for support in things, they are just momentary. In fact, they hold us back from actually living a fulfilling life ourselves, because at the end of the day: 

"Remember you are enough and always will be."
You are enough to make a difference to yourself and to others. If you are also someone who loves shopping, collecting, and when bad comes to worse, hoarding...start by acknowledging the fact and take a very organized approach to the things you like buying and how you can limit them. Also, try and sort the things which you think are in good condition and others can benefit from. There is more happiness is giving than buying for your own self. Do it and I guarantee you a feeling of fulfillment like no other.

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Ken Boddie

3 years ago #18

I've found over the years, Proma, that the medical profession has still not isolated what I undoubtedly believe is one of the best known secrets about our physiology ..... the shopping gene. This modifies our behaviour and can afflict society's individuals in a myriad of different ways. For example, my wife was born, like you appear to have been, with the relatively common variety of 'shoes and handbags' gene embedded in her DNA, whereas I was born with the rare 'home handyman tools' gene. In my wife's case she is incapable of walking passed a shoes and/or handbags outlet without having a look in the window, often followed by a trip inside. In my case, I am like a kid in a lolly shop when I enter a hardware store and temptation takes over my otherwise logical purchasing methodology. If it's on special and there is a slight chance that I may need this little gizmo at some stage down the track, then I'm tempted. But it's not all bad news, Proma. Luckily, many of the large shopping centres are boringly the same, with similar retail outlets, which, in my case, dulls the urge to shop. After, all, when you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen the mall. 🤣😂🤣

Bill Stankiewicz

3 years ago #17

Very Cool buzz!

Ian Weinberg

3 years ago #16

Thanks Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal and thanks for sharing the article.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #15

Such a powerful piece, Ian Weinberg. I am glad I wrote this buzz which led you to share this article with me. The universe works in mysterious ways. I needed to read this as I am sure many others do, too. The word "dukhha" means sad in both my mother tongue (Bengali) and in Hindi, as well. I loved your explanation on the connection between dukhha and nirvana, as it helps bring something positive out of the murky darkness of pain, fear, and failure. Something to be read and pondered upon, time and again. Thank you!

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #14

Wow! That's an incredible and mammoth task you undertook, Paul Walters. It's difficult to sort the things we don't need anymore and are good enough to be donated, or even the task of selling investments. However, once done, that feeling of being light and free and starting afresh with just the bare essentials is absolutely amazing. While reading the simple numbered format of your current possessions, I could imagine the peace it must bring to you. 1000 books, that sounds like heaven!

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #13

Thank you, Jerry Fletcher. I agree, that's indeed good thing to remember. Refraining from buying lot of stuff to focus on and buy something that really matters and is a quality product.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #12

Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic What you are describing is the utopia I am trying to achieve. I would not call myself a shopaholic but I definitely had an issue of collecting the things I mentioned above. It has been almost 6 years that I started regularly donating clothes, books, bags *sniff* and shoes that are all in perfect condition, but just that I had not used them for 3 months or more. However, the need to stop buying and adding to what I already have led me to these reflections. I could learn a lesson or two from you, though! :)

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #11

I agree, Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, I thought I will start withholding with the small ones and then move on to the big ticket items. However, it seems, coffee was the wrong choice. It is an essential, not a luxury. Need to sort my priorities. Occasional splurging is absolutely a must though. Too long periods of not splurging can result in pent up feelings, I feel.

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #10

My Pleasure, Ignacio Orna (Nacho) ! Thank you for the wishes!

Ian Weinberg

3 years ago #9

As long as 'wants' don't become 'needs', feel free to enjoy your hazelnut coffee Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal But should too many of your 'wants' become 'needs' well then we may have a small issue. May I humbly offer this little something to the pot -

Paul Walters

3 years ago #8

Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal A a few years ago we said ....enough!!! Do we need three cars when actually there are only two of us? A six bedroom house? Nah, the kids have buggered off. Two ' investment' apartments Enough furniture to open a store? Four complete dinner settings? etc etc etc. Sold the house and the apartments. Gave the furniture away including my precious book collection ( broke my heart that one) Donated two or three dozen suits to the Salvation Army. Then packed a suitcase and we moved to Bali. Seven years on we have, 1) a house ( big) 2) a house full of furniture 3) A car and a motorcycle 4) about 1000 books and a wardrobe full of clothes that I seldom wear.(it's hot so shorts are de rigeur) I / we didn't really want those things but it seemed that those 'things' really wanted us....sigh !

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #7

Proma, It takes a lot of courage to be this forthright. One thing I learned from my ex is that some times denial is worth it to purchase less but of higher quality.

Lada 🏡 Prkic

3 years ago #6

Proma, writing about women's shopping habits is a timeless topic. :) Contrary to your buying pattern I almost never shop online. I have to see and touch things before buying. So except for some techy stuff, I shop the traditional way. We, women, are "guilty" of buying some extra stuff, like shoes and bags that we actually don't need. In my case, this is rare, so I don't get worked up about that occasional habit. There is no harm if we indulge ourselves from time to time, like with your hazelnut coffee. :) Besides, I have a habit of donating clothes that I haven't worn for several years. It's a good article that may help those with hoarding habit.
I attempt to control my ways of managing money however every so often, I splurge! Not all that much, however hazel-nut flavored coffee runs far with me and the joy it brings overcomes any guilt feelings.

(Nacho) Ignacio Orna

3 years ago #4

Thank you very much Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal for your reference. I also wish you good wishes.

Ali Anani

3 years ago #3

Enjoy your coffee dear Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal

Proma Nautiyal

3 years ago #2

Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee Wish you a very happy and prosperous new year, Sir! After reading your comment I went ahead and ordered the hazelnut coffee. You are right, the pleasure from drinking that coffee is more than spending the money on it. Pleasure from consuming food is always more satisfying that the pain of spending on it. In fact, it doesn't feel like pain, at all. Totally guilty in this matter.

Ali Anani

3 years ago #1

Dear Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal- You succeeded in breaking your buying habits. This is a topic of wide interest. I failed to stop buying hazelnut-flavored coffee for I feel that the joy of drinking it is greater than the pain resulting from spending money on it. Maybe we change when the pain is greater than the resulting joy.

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